Sunday, March 2, 2014

A Flo Stanton Mini-Mystery

Caveat Convivium 

“I hate going to Mavis’s parties,” Viv moaned.

“Caviar too salty?”

“I wish. She’s gone green–-organic only now. Tofu this, quinoa that. Awful tasting stuff.”

Joe sipped his gin and tonic. “Wine, too?”

“Better not. Everyone we know is a lush or close to it. No, I hate going alone. Will you take me? The Queen attended one year and I missed it. Herman had just died.”

“Freddie Mercury’s Queen or…?”

“Queen Elizabeth and entourage. I should have gone anyway. Well, I was a new widow, didn’t know there’d be two more just like him. Peggy Clegg-Reagan was there and I never heard the end of it.”

“Why do you have to go at all?”

“Are you insane? Everybody’s going to be there. Bill and Hillary–-if they’re speaking to each other. Andy Blankenbuehler, Cyndi Lauper, Fareed Zakaria. Sting might play. My dress from Iris came yesterday and I’m dying to wear it.”

“Then, back to my original question–-why do you hate going to these things?”

“Oh, Mavis is always begging for money for some worthwhile cause or other. It’s like she makes you pay for the opportunity to meet the best people. Disgusting.”

“How much are you expected to donate?”

“I always write a check beforehand for five hundred so I won’t be tempted to outdo Peggy. Last year it was anti-poverty. Now Mavis has got that solved, it’s something else. Just think of it–-Sting! Of course it doesn’t beat Sir Paul. He played at Wendy Whitworth’s fiftieth, you know. For the minefields or something or other. Everyone sang ‘Hey, Jude.’”

“And what is Mavis’s latest cause?”

“The environment, naturally. Everything’s green. She’s got the founder of Fight for Flight lined up. Save the birds and all that. He’s got a live feed from a condor nest set up to put even more pressure on. I saw the feed at St. Swithin’s bash last year, just before the little ones pecked their way out. What a coup for Mavis if those chicks hatch during the party! We’d never hear the end of it.”

“Well, my dear, I wouldn’t mind escorting you to the party, especially if Fareed Zakaria will be there, but keep your checkbook in your Louis Vuitton bag. This fellow’s a fraud.”

Why does Joe claim Mavis’s latest cause is a scam?

(See comments for solution)