TODAY IN CRIME: August 17

 

310 Roman emperor Maxentius banished Pope Eusebius to Sicily, where he promptly died, probably from a hunger strike. Eusebius believed Christians who had denied their faith during persecutions by the state should be allowed to take communion after proper penance.

1896 A few weeks after Parliament increased the speed limit for motor vehicles to 14 mph, a car traveling 4-8 mph struck and killed 44-year-old Bridget Driscoll as she crossed the grounds of the Crystal Palace in London. Driscoll was the first recorded case of a pedestrian killed in a collision with a motor car in the UK. A coroner's jury returned a verdict of "accidental death" after a six-hour inquest. Coroner Percy Morrison said he hoped "such a thing would never happen again."

1915 A mob in Cobb County, Ga., lynched Jewish businessman Leo Frank, who had been sentenced on flimsy evidence for the murder of 13-year-old Mary Phagan.

1962 On the first anniversary of Communist East Germany’s completion of the Berlin Wall, border guards shot and killed 18-year-old Peter Fechter as he attempted to cross over into the western sector, spurring riots.

1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had arrived in the U.S. before 1977.

1986 Forty-two people were beaten or stabbed at a Run D.M.C. concert in Long Beach, CA. Members of the rap group feared gang trouble and had requested extra security from police and auditorium management.

1987 Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler's second in command, committed suicide at Spandau prison. The 93-year-old had been the only inmate there for more than 20 years.

1991 Taxi driver Wade Frankum went on a rampage in the Strathfield Plaza, a shopping mall in Sydney Australia, stabbing and shooting seven people and injuring six others before turning the gun on himself. Victim Gary Read, who was shot in both feet, was awarded the Star of Courage for saving more lives during the unexplained killing spree.

1998 A grand jury questioned U.S. President Bill Clinton in the Monica Lewinsky scandal. He was the first U.S. president to testify as the subject of a grand jury investigation. Clinton admitted that he had an "improper physical relationship" with the intern and that night confessed on national television that that their relationship was "not appropriate."

2005 Terrorist set off more than 500 bombs at 300 locations in 63 out of the 64 districts of Bangladesh.

2005 Israeli security forces began the forcible removal of Jews from four settlements in the Gaza Strip.

2010 After 14 days of deliberation, a federal jury found ousted Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich guilty of lying to federal agents but could not agree on the remaining 23 corruption charges lodged against him, and the judge declared a mistrial. After a retrial, he was found guilty of 17 charges and sentenced to 14 years in prison.

My Hillary Dream

Local media always play on civic pride and act like Indiana is a major player in national politics (“Governor Doofus is on the short list!”) so it’s been fun to see our beloved state get national coverage, at least for a news cycle or two. We got a bump when Cruz announced Fiorina as his VP (and made the “basketball ring” gaffe that will probably cost him the primary here) while Trump appeared at a rally with Bobby Knight. Purdue students started lining up in the cold at 1:30 AM Wednesday for an appearance by Bernie at noon.

Bill’s been here, and Chelsea is coming tomorrow, but where’s Hillary? In my dream, that’s where.

I work for the US government in the Mideast. The entire office is abuzz because Hillary is touring the area. She’s met with OPEC people, sat on a camel, shopped at a bazaar, and done other touristy things (like she’s never been here before).

My boss Oscar (Richard Anderson, “Oscar Goldman” in “The Six Million Dollar Man”) slips quietly into his office after two-week’s leave. We’ve grown close over the few months I’ve been assigned here, so I go in and ask how was his trip home to the States. We’re joined by our colleague Gary (Gary Busey—I’m sorry it’s Gary Busey, I can’t help what my unconscious comes up with) and Oscar tells us the touching story of what will surely be his last visit with his 105-year-old father. (My dream Oscar is 80; actor Richard Anderson turns 90 this year.) He asked his dad what he wanted to do, and that’s how they spent the night in the Sonora desert under the stars, curled up in sleeping bags gazing at the night sky.

I feel privileged that Oscar told Gary and me the story because he’s not the sentimental type and will not likely repeat it. Oscar also shows us the pair of gold-and-pearl earrings his father gave him that had belonged to his mother. He was very moved by this gesture because he expected the jewelry to go to one of his sisters.

We’re sharing that moment when Hillary waltzes in. Somehow she knows Oscar has his mother’s earrings and asks to borrow them.

Oscar opens his mouth but, uncharacteristically, can’t find any words. I jump in and say, “NO!” and walk out. I leave Hillary yelling, “But I’ve got a book-signing tomorrow. I’ve got to have earrings!”

I return to my department of about twenty people and announce, “I said ‘No!’ to Hillary!” then add jokingly, “I’m being shot at dawn.” But nobody is laughing. They’re all in shock, murmuring to each other and not looking at me.

I return to my office and pick up my Meditation Box, a clear plastic box filled with clear plastic beads and tubes that fall into different shapes as you turn it. I’m trying to figure out how to turn some of them into a pair of earrings when Hillary comes in. I decide to meet my fate head-on and rise to greet her.

“Still friends?” I say.

She manages a weak smile and starts talking about her itinerary.

She’d never have been so nice if she’d lost her argument with Oscar, and I knew he’d loan her the jewelry for my sake if nothing else. I was right. She wore Oscar’s heirloom earrings the next day. Dammit.